Kindergarten
Jack starts kindergarten today.
You may remember how I felt about preschool last year.
Not much has changed.
I am excited for him. He will enjoy himself and have so much fun with new friends and heaven knows we all need some separation up in here. Jack made a life timeline two days ago and showed me a giant X representing when he is going to, in his own words, "move out and leave you" at age 18. When asked if he was moving out on his 18th birthday he said he "might wait a couple of days after."
Somebody send this kid to school already.
He will be ok. He will ride the bus (be still my heart) and learn and fail and grow. I am nervous that he will drop his lunch tray and get picked on and make bad decisions. Caleb tells me that, yes, all of those things will happen. That's why we send him to kindergarten before he moves out a couple of days after he turns 18. Messing up and feeling insecure and getting in trouble are all a part of life. He will learn. Caleb (don't tell him I told you this) is sometimes wise.
So, today, on the first day of kindergarten, it's time for my sweet little man to start to fly. And stumble. And run. And crawl. And ride the bus back home to his momma's arms where he can always crash land.
Elliott started pre-k yesterday.
We found out last minute that her teacher, the same beloved one from last year, is teaching 4th grade instead and a new pre-k teacher has been hired. She's kind and preschool-teachery and is going to be fantastic. But baby girl was heart-broken. Heart-cracked-wide-open-broken. She adored her teacher and talked about her all summer and made a card with hearts on it to give to her on the first day of school. Sweet girl experienced a loss yesterday. True, it's minor in the scheme of life. Of my life. And your life. But she's 4. And she's pretty sure that she's never again going to see someone whom she loves and spent a whole lotta time with. She also bounced back quickly and had a fun first day. Loving life while missing someone. I can relate to that.
We are going to put her through that again. We move. We leave people. People leave us. None of it is major, but it is hard. It does hurt. And it is overwhelming to see your babies hurting. Even if it is over something that you'll giggle at together when they are grown. Man, this parenting thing can be tough even when it's easy.
I, like just about every mom, don't want my kids to struggle or hurt or have anything bad ever happen.
But, really I do. Because what are we if we never struggle or hurt or experience the ugly? Who are we if we don't?
It's not lost on me that some of my emotions on this are coming from the fact that my other kids have experienced pain and loss of unfathomable depth and Lord knows what other hurts. I can't even begin to work through that. But I do know that we will bring them into something better and give every resource and energy we have to help them process and grieve and heal. But we aren't there yet. Right now, we have two kids here who start something new this week and are growing up right in front of us.
And so, I send them to school. I go for a run. I eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's (whyyyyy can't I find Pistachio Pistachio anywhere in this town?!) And I pray through it all. Because they belong to God before they belong to me. And He loves them more than I do. Which is incredibly hard to process but I know it to be true.
They are going to be ok. Even when it seems they aren't.
Same goes for me.
---------------
May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all your requests.
Psalm 20:4-5
You may remember how I felt about preschool last year.
Not much has changed.
I am excited for him. He will enjoy himself and have so much fun with new friends and heaven knows we all need some separation up in here. Jack made a life timeline two days ago and showed me a giant X representing when he is going to, in his own words, "move out and leave you" at age 18. When asked if he was moving out on his 18th birthday he said he "might wait a couple of days after."
Somebody send this kid to school already.
He will be ok. He will ride the bus (be still my heart) and learn and fail and grow. I am nervous that he will drop his lunch tray and get picked on and make bad decisions. Caleb tells me that, yes, all of those things will happen. That's why we send him to kindergarten before he moves out a couple of days after he turns 18. Messing up and feeling insecure and getting in trouble are all a part of life. He will learn. Caleb (don't tell him I told you this) is sometimes wise.
So, today, on the first day of kindergarten, it's time for my sweet little man to start to fly. And stumble. And run. And crawl. And ride the bus back home to his momma's arms where he can always crash land.
Elliott started pre-k yesterday.
We are going to put her through that again. We move. We leave people. People leave us. None of it is major, but it is hard. It does hurt. And it is overwhelming to see your babies hurting. Even if it is over something that you'll giggle at together when they are grown. Man, this parenting thing can be tough even when it's easy.
I, like just about every mom, don't want my kids to struggle or hurt or have anything bad ever happen.
But, really I do. Because what are we if we never struggle or hurt or experience the ugly? Who are we if we don't?
It's not lost on me that some of my emotions on this are coming from the fact that my other kids have experienced pain and loss of unfathomable depth and Lord knows what other hurts. I can't even begin to work through that. But I do know that we will bring them into something better and give every resource and energy we have to help them process and grieve and heal. But we aren't there yet. Right now, we have two kids here who start something new this week and are growing up right in front of us.
And so, I send them to school. I go for a run. I eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's (whyyyyy can't I find Pistachio Pistachio anywhere in this town?!) And I pray through it all. Because they belong to God before they belong to me. And He loves them more than I do. Which is incredibly hard to process but I know it to be true.
They are going to be ok. Even when it seems they aren't.
Same goes for me.
---------------
May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all your requests.
Psalm 20:4-5
Comments
Post a Comment