Just Keep Swimming
I hate swim lessons.
I hating taking swim lessons. I'm a weak swimmer (because, see previous sentence.) But I hate watching swim lessons even more than I hated taking them.
My kids can't swim.
Yet.
I get that. They will learn. Someday. I suppose. But yesterday was not that day and today is not that day. And I'm highly doubtful that tomorrow will be that day.
So right now, I am sitting like a little (big) ball of anxiety as I watch my children flail about and choke down pool water. It stresses me out so much that I don't even care how gross the pool water is that they are swallowing.
Right now, I am blogging because I have to look away and suppress the anxiety. One of my little people is a bit too much like me and picks up on the vibes that momma puts off. So momma tries to chill in this child's presence. It's best for all of us.
Right now, there is a swim instructor, 2 life guards, and 5 parents watching swim lessons. And I'm still terrified every time J or E start to slip underwater.
Why do I feel this way?
So many reasons.
Because I don't swim well and project my panic onto the littles in the pool.
Because they don't know how to save themselves.
Because I am not right there helping to keep them afloat.
Bingo.
I've never felt this way when I am in the pool with them. It's the helplessness, the being on-the-sidelines, the trusting. Somewhere in this whacked-out mommy brain of mine, I believe that I, and only I, can keep my kids safe.
Read that again.
That's a lot of pressure.
It's also a lie.
I bet some of you feel this way, too. I'm praying for freedom. For all of us. Freedom from fear. Freedom from control. I don't have the answers. I wish I did. For now, I keep fighting. Keep swimming. (See what I did there?) Keep letting them go and grow and thrive. Because I'm not the only one who can keep them safe. I can't at all. They are God's children and they are in His hands. When I don't relinquish, I suffer. And they suffer. I have been given a huge blessing and a huge responsibility. But I'm really not in control of it.
I can only do so much. Pray. Listen to their stories. Laugh at their jokes. Give hugs. Dry them off after they've struggled to swim.
Which is what they need right now....
xoxo
I hating taking swim lessons. I'm a weak swimmer (because, see previous sentence.) But I hate watching swim lessons even more than I hated taking them.
My kids can't swim.
Yet.
I get that. They will learn. Someday. I suppose. But yesterday was not that day and today is not that day. And I'm highly doubtful that tomorrow will be that day.
So right now, I am sitting like a little (big) ball of anxiety as I watch my children flail about and choke down pool water. It stresses me out so much that I don't even care how gross the pool water is that they are swallowing.
Right now, I am blogging because I have to look away and suppress the anxiety. One of my little people is a bit too much like me and picks up on the vibes that momma puts off. So momma tries to chill in this child's presence. It's best for all of us.
Right now, there is a swim instructor, 2 life guards, and 5 parents watching swim lessons. And I'm still terrified every time J or E start to slip underwater.
Why do I feel this way?
So many reasons.
Because I don't swim well and project my panic onto the littles in the pool.
Because they don't know how to save themselves.
Because I am not right there helping to keep them afloat.
Bingo.
I've never felt this way when I am in the pool with them. It's the helplessness, the being on-the-sidelines, the trusting. Somewhere in this whacked-out mommy brain of mine, I believe that I, and only I, can keep my kids safe.
Read that again.
That's a lot of pressure.
It's also a lie.
I bet some of you feel this way, too. I'm praying for freedom. For all of us. Freedom from fear. Freedom from control. I don't have the answers. I wish I did. For now, I keep fighting. Keep swimming. (See what I did there?) Keep letting them go and grow and thrive. Because I'm not the only one who can keep them safe. I can't at all. They are God's children and they are in His hands. When I don't relinquish, I suffer. And they suffer. I have been given a huge blessing and a huge responsibility. But I'm really not in control of it.
I can only do so much. Pray. Listen to their stories. Laugh at their jokes. Give hugs. Dry them off after they've struggled to swim.
Which is what they need right now....
xoxo
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